I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize