Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
