I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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