Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
