We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
