two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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