She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
