you have to choose: penises or morals?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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