Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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