WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
