Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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