So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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