I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Of course I have a pirate flag
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
