I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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