So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
