You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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