Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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