absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
