I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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