Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
