My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
