I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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