he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
