He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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