She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize