I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How naked do you want me to be?
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