I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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