Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
