i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
