Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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