I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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