She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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