are you still at the devil's house?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
