Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
