She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
