I want you more than these girls want KFC
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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