I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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