Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
