Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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