So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize