Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize