someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
