was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
