What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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