i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
