in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
