I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
