I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish I could teleport
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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