i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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