Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
