At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
