My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
