wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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