I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
