I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
