I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
