420 ftw
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize