It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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