He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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