HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
