I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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