im six kinds of drunk right now
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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