he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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