I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
