called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
