Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
